Press 1...uhm, Hold Please!

I was thinking when I had some time to do a spoof PSA on what has become the industry standard of customer service.


" Welcome to X's Customer Service Care. We do our best to insure you are taken care of. We value your business. Listen to this 3hour menu and press or say your request at any time. But, you must listen and wait for all the options before you make your selection. (18sec)

Please enter your account number, social security number, address, mothers maiden name, year of graduation, birth certificate I.D. and pin security to ensure secure faster service. can I help you today? (You make say anything from help to fix my tire, and we will direct you to the appropriate menu.) (5min)

*To listen to your account or say 1

I'm sorry. Your selection was not recognized. Please remember, you must listen to all 18 options before making your selection. Please try again.

REPEAT a few times (10min)

*To learn more about our privacy policy, press or say 2...
*For directions to our facility press or say 3...
I'm sorry that number is not recognized.
*To find out our GM's futures plans for the company press or say4...
*Blah, blah, blah...
*For a customer service representative, press or say 18......(15 min)
Please hold. There currently is a...4.25 minute wait. Your call means a lot to us.

To ensure quality customer care our calls will be monitored. Please have your account number, social security number, address, mothers maiden name, year of graduation, birth certificate I.D. and pin security ready to ensure secure, faster service. (Remember you just entered it in at the top of the menu.)(20min)

"Thanks for calling X. My name is Beejal Patel. How can I help you?"

"I'm sorry we cannot do that here for you ma'am/sir. Let me transfer you to the department. Please hold."

...and here you go again!

It's a familiar scene that everyone has been through. So many stories, so much frustration. I really could've gone on and one about my experience; about others; about demanding a supervisor or a refund or some answers. Is it surprising really why our underpaid Indian friends only get a chance to speak to angry Americans!
Please...don't mistake our frustration for anger.

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Consider it your Friday special!

1 comment :

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